Just my way of livin and thinkin

   I'm just getting settled into my new Nerd Cave and it dawns on me all that has changed in a couple years . A few years back I had a nasty little accident at work and took a good whack on the head . Shortly after that I was told I would never drive commercial vehicles again . Me and the state have had a few rounds as I attempt to get the medical treatment I need . One of my favorite things to hear is "this is not in our criteria of medically necessary  for your treatment " To most people who hear that they think right on the states looking out for fraud . Wrong that's the opinion of a nurse I have never met based on a report wrote by a doctor on the states payroll twenty years ago . Its called the Miller criteria and it would replace stitches with band aids if allowed . The part that makes that a better laugh yet is the three doctors all specialists in the field of Brain Injury this nurse with a book report gets to trump . So I am forced to file an appeal with the Industrial Commission and we have a hearing . This is the the part you wont find funny I win the hearings so then the state pays for medical treatment, and court cost and passes that extra cost back to you John Q Taxpayer . Did I mention you also pay a  salary to the know it all nurse who starts this whole mess ?
   I hear people cheer all the time lets get the welfare rats off food stamps for those who need them . If your guilty pay attention to this and think before you cheer . I was pulled off the job without warning on a slow week and had a small paycheck . I was broke from day one my wife's check pays for our bankruptcy chapter 13 we payed it all back and kept the house the bank HSBC tried to steel .  I called the welfare office on week three we had no food in the house and the gas was off we had no money to pay . I was told come on down and apply so I did and was denied we had earned to much for the year already to qualify at the time . The money automatically deducted for chapter 13 counted as income even if we never seen it . They did give me a list of food pantry's so we could find some food . Keep this in mind you might find yourself on the injured list some day and need the help you wish to do away with . The average household pays less then forty bucks a year into that program so just how broke are you ? Two months later I had raised enough hell to get us temporary food stamps but could not get assistance to turn on any of the utilities that had all been shut off by this point . I still had not received a paycheck from disability on temporary total already granted, but the company filed every appeal they could for nine months . That's how the laws protect company's and employers from those who got injured working for them . By the way in Ohio you can no longer Sew your employer unless you can prove equipment was deliberately tampered with . You pay an average of 4k a year in corporate welfare so who you mad at now ?  On the Eighth month my family was blessed by aid from The Daughters Of Erin a great Irish family charity . They paid all the utilities filled the fridge and cupboards and bought the kids some gifts for Christmas . After Enough money was wasted attempting to keep me down I finally received nine months back pay . You paid for the ten trips to court for me and the lawyer do you feel as cheated as I did ? This what is meant by fixing welfare, am I one of those rats you speak of ?
   Those statements burn my ass to hear people talk in that manor even if its not directed at me . I wander if those that speak from that chair way up at the top have ever had a year in the life like that ? Do you think they ever had to decide between a second hot dog and a can of beans, or feeding the dogs ? Have they ever had a Christmas budget for two kids and a wife under sixty bucks ? Or here is the fun one have you ever collected rain water in buckets to fill jugs so you could flush the toilet and have water for your dogs ? Do you still feel ripped off and cheated out of your hard earned cash ?
    I have had a couple of these hard working individuals pat me on the back and say "man I wish I could get as lucky as you " luck is it ? If what you have read so far did not convince you that its not luck but fucked maybe this will .
  To understand a man you must walk a mile in his shoes well mine smell and have holes so ill just tell you what a day is like . I wake around 8am. and cant walk my legs and arms numb, ears ringing, and head spinning . I stretch in bed till the feeling of pins and needles comes about an hour then I know I can stand without falling so to the bathroom I can finally go. I take seven pills a day three right off the bat with my coffee and wait to see if the sunlight will bother my eyes today . Most of the time and with out warning I get sharp stabs of pain that travel up my neck and threw my head to just behind my eyes . I am told this is going to be a life condition it will most likely never improve . If its a bad day my balance is off or I have a migraine all day so its a day in the dark with little or no movement . On the average day I can not stay in the same position more then 45 mn. before I need to lay down or stand any thing but sit . That's the way the whole day goes I'm like an alter boy at mass up and down all day no comfort .  So yes these silly little blogs are an all day thing most of the time . My memory comes and goes at will and I often forget where I'm at or what I'm doing . This also makes me a little unpredictable and I can snap and become a jerk at the drop of a dime . That has led to what my wife calls Wal-mart syndrome where I pick fights with random people over stuff I don't even care about . Still sound like I got lucky to you ? Am I the guy you want working for or with you ? Better yet you want me driving a fully loaded semi behind your car ?
    So what to do and how to fix myself . This blog is a part of that you know get my mind right. I have also kicked the smoking habit seems to have helped a bit with breath, and smell, maybe the positive effects on the brain will come later. I am told cannabis will help but if I puff puff the state passes my heath care to the next guy in line . That's that get them off of drugs thing some of you keep talking about . So I will continue to meditate, vegetate, and contemplate my way to a better mind state . Lets hope it works see ya in the funny papers peeps .